Memorial Day

It's easy to think of Memorial Day as simply an extra day off work, a three-day weekend. But the day is meant to honor the men and women of the Armed Forces who gave their lives in the service of their country. Just saying "Thank you" seems so inadequate, but I will say it anyway.

Cameras Needed

The student is a 6th grader, and besides having autism, she had bruises on her arms and around her nose. Being non-verbal, the child couldn't tell anyone what happened to her, but that didn't matter - the school had cameras in the gym where the incident happened. And the incident happened because an instructional assistant assaulted the student.

Things like this just fuel my fears - fears over what happens to my child at school and on the bus - fears over what will happen when she is out of school, riding special transportation, and at a work site. These are the fears of my nightmares.

Although I am comfortable with Ashley's school environment now (she has the world's best teacher and we communicate daily), I do have major concerns about the bus transportation. And her school years in the past have been rough.

First there was the broken nose from falling up the school stairs when she was only 3 years old; then there was the split lip that required stitches that happened in the school hallway and 'nobody saw anything'; then there were the two broken front teeth that happened on the bus and "'we're so sorry, that camera wasn't working that day"; then the day she came home without her g-tube and "nothing happened here, we're sure of it" (until the next day when the g-tube was found on the playground); then the catscan that was needed because she tripped over a rug on top of carpet in the classroom and fractured her eye socket bone; then the cut to her head that required two staples caused by "Ashley did that to herself"; and then all the bruises to her arms and legs that look suspiciously like fingertips.

All schools need cameras in all classrooms and hallways and lunchrooms and offices and buses. Nothing short of that...

In The Heat of the Night

and the morning, and the afternoon and the evening....

Being a homeowner can sometimes be a complicated job. I often have questions like, "How do you know when your roof needs replacing?" and "How old is too old for a heat pump?" I hesitate to ask those questions of the actual companies that provide such services because I wonder if they are being honest or just trying to sell their products and services.

My current heat pump is 12 years old. I do know that the average replacement age for heat pumps in 10-12 years, so I guess we are living on borrowed time. And that fact reared its ugly head yesterday afternoon when my air conditioner failed.

By midnight the temperature in the house was about 82 degrees, and it continued to climb through the next morning and afternoon. I don't handle the heat well, and Ashley handles it even worse. Extremes in temperature can cause seizures for her.

As soon as I thought the office of my favorite HVAC company opened, I called them. I had heard horror stories from others in my area about having to wait a week for heat pump repairs, and I was panicking. But Amy, the person who answered the phone asked if I would like someone to come by today.

Yes, Amy, that's a great big YES!

Since my house is over 60 years old, Amy and her co-workers and I are on a first name basis. Their company, American Service, is one of those rare companies that still believes in customer service, and most especially, will go out of their way to help a customer with exceptional circumstances - a child with seizures, for example.

Clark, the owner, and others techicians, have spent Christmas day with me in the past, have come on short notice, have helped fight the homebuyers insurance company I used to have, and even performed service pro bono for me when times were tough.

Clark showed up today about 4 hours after I initially called. He had the AC back on within about 45 minutes, and recommended that I start planning to replace the system within the next year or so. No hard sales pitch - no dire warnings - just advice. And I trust him. So I will be saving my pennies in the hopes of replacing this system early next year. But in the meantime, we are all blissfully cool tonight.

Thank you Clark!

The House That Stephen (re)Built

As a homeowner, it’s really difficult sometimes to know who to trust when it comes to repair people. And, it’s even more difficult as a single parent. We hear so many stories of unscrupulous contractors, electricians, roofers, etc., and then when you need one of those people, you worry about making a wrong decision. Even checking places such as the Better Business Bureau doesn’t always allay the fears.



But several years ago, I made a decision about a general contractor that was a very good decision. It wasn’t based on anything more than a gut feel – a sense that this person was honest, caring and good.

I had finally won my case to get Medicaid to pay for bathroom modifications for Ashley. Since this was a Medicaid funded remodel, I had to use a Medicaid registered provider. I got a list from the Medicaid website, and started making phone calls. One of those calls was different than all the rest.

Stephen Curtin, of Curtin Brothers Contracting, took my bathroom remodel job and in the process became a friend.

Stephen’s work is impeccable. He understands the inconvenience to a family that accompanies a major remodel, and he does his best to minimize that disruption. He kept me informed every step of the way, and involved me in all decisions. The end result – an accessible bathroom for Ashley – was beautiful. That was three years ago.

Since then, Stephen has built me a wheelchair ramp, modified the railings on my front porch to accommodate Ashley, remodeled a second bathroom, and replaced my attic steps. So, who was the first person I called when I realized I had a water problem in my kitchen? Stephen, of course.

Stephen is trying to move away from the home remodel business and start his own cabinet making company. But he didn’t tell me no, that he couldn’t help with the kitchen. In fact, he called and agreed to begin work the very next day. He brought his friend, Ross, a plumber, and together they have resolved my water damage and plumbing problems in the kitchen – all in two days. (Just for a point of reference, a contractor recommended by my insurance company estimated three times the cost and 4 times the length of time to correct the problem.

I know the quality of Stephen’s work. I feel his commitment to his customers, and I feel a deep comfort with his level of professionalism. I was very blessed three years ago when I pulled his name off a list, and the blessings have been multiplied many times since then. My house truly is the house that Stephen (re)built!

Thank you, Stephen. Thanks also to your lovely wife, GiGi, for being a partner in all you have done for my family. Thanks to Ross whose commitment and professionalism mirror yours. You are both fine men, excellent craftsmen, and people I hope to call my friends for a long, long time.

It Is Indeed Sherific!

Most days I don’t think about all that is involved in caring for my children with significant disabilities. I just do what needs to be done. Most days, everything gets done that should get done, and then we move on to the next day. But if it doesn’t all get done, I can get pretty stressed and feel like a not-so-good mother.

But I read something this week from Sheri, one of my favorite bloggers which helped me understand my feelings a little better.

On her blog, Ain’t That Sherific, Sheri was asked some questions from a new mother of a child with FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome), and during the course of answering those questions, Sheri, also an adoptive mother, realized that as parents we are just as traumatized as our children with significant needs have been traumatized. It doesn’t matter that we weren’t around when the trauma was occurring. It moved into the family the same day our children did.

Intellectually I realize that, but I know that emotionally I have not accepted it.

One of the final paragraphs in Sheri’s post really hit home with me. She wrote, “We can advocate for our kids. We can fight for services. We can beg and plead for help. When it comes down to it, we are left alone to deal with the aftermath of the trauma they suffered as children. We can make it better, but it will never ever go away. My child's brain damage caused by alcohol in utero will not repair itself. We have to cut them some slack. Why shouldn't we cut ourselves the same slack?”

She’s right – we parents do need to cut ourselves slack. We need to realize that we do the absolute best we can, and we usually do it better than anyone else ever could. And even if we don’t, we keep trying.

Sheri, you have been an inspiration to me since I first ‘met’ you, and you continue today. Thank you for helping me see what is right in front of me.

A Life Rich With Enough

My house isn’t spotless, but it is clean enough.

The meals I make for my children are not often gourmet meals, and we do eat our share of junk food, but I am a good enough cook to keep everyone healthy and well-fed.

My children don’t get everything they ask for, or get to go everyplace they want to go, but they have enough to entertain and challenge them, and way more than a lot of children have.

My yard and garden are not the showplace of the neighborhood. During the Fall, the leaves stay on the ground a little longer than they should. During the Spring and Summer, the grass doesn’t always get mowed as soon as it should, but the flowers that grow wild and colorful are enough to bring a smile to most people’s faces.

We’re not the first family to clear the snow from our walkways and driveway, but we can make some awesome snowmen, and we have enough of a path to get to where we need to be.

My laundry basket is never empty but everyone always has enough clothes to look their best and meet their needs.

My children and I may sometimes long for more, but we know we are blessed and definitely have enough, and for that we are always grateful.