Trying To Find A Balance

One of the things I have always struggled with as a parent is how much of a right to privacy my children should have? Now that I have 4 teenagers, that question is on my mind constantly. So I'd like to know what you think? How have you dealt with the following issues:

Do you think your teenager has a right to privacy?

Are there some things you believe that teenager should be able to keep private and some things that you as their parent should have a right to see?

Do you check their email – reading what they send and receive?

Do you check their list of visited sites on the Internet?

Do you have any parental control software on their computers?

Are your children allowed to use their computers alone in their rooms?

Do you feel as a parent you have a right to go through anything in your child’s room, school locker, school notebooks, etc?

Are your children allowed to use the phone in a private place in your house?

Does your child have a cell phone with no use restrictions?

Do you review a detailed bill of their cell phone usage?

Do you know all your child’s friends, or are they allowed to go to houses of people you have never met?

Have you met the parents of your child’s friends?

If your child drives, do you check the car’s odometer?

Does your child have a curfew, and consequences for missing that curfew?

Do you feel your are more strict or less strict as a parent than your parents were with you?

What is your biggest fear as it relates to you children?

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful...

• for rain - finally we are getting rain, lots of rain. It's too late for my garden and my flowers, but it's good for Mother Earth


• for brownies filled with chocolate chunks, walnuts and dried cherries - yummmm!


• for the news that the next season of Dancing With The Stars, beginning in late September, will once again feature professional dancer, Maksim - like the brownies, yummmm!


• for the little stretch of cooler weather we are enjoying. The leaves are falling from the trees and it is beginning to feel like Fall


• for my clean house, healthy kids, and the full refrigerator


• that my friend, Sara, is marrying the love of her life this weekend


• for cucumber melon scented shower gel. It's such a refreshing way to begin the morning.


• that I had enough money to pay all the school fees for my four children. Of course that money could have also bought us a long weekend at the beach, but who am I to complain about the FREE education my children are getting.


• for long holiday weekends and time off from work


• for people who care - Stephen, the contractor, Jonathan and Sophia, the legal team, and everyone who helped them along the way to securing an accessible bathroom for Ashley

Where Have You Been All My Life?

I mentioned in yesterday’s post about my bathroom renovation that the new bidet toilet seat deserved a post of its own. I admit I was a little squeamish about using it the first time, but after one try, I’m sold on the concept, and wonder where this thing has been all my life.

If you’ve traveled to Europe, you are probably familiar with bidets. They usually sit beside the toilet and provide cleansing to the privates. Of course, as Americans, we often have no clue what a bidet is when we first see one. I have heard stories of young travelers believing the appliance was meant for hand washing or to substitute as a water fountain (yech!). But when the concept is finally explained, you will notice an imaginary light bulb above the head of most people and hear the ‘oh yea’ come out of their mouths.

In America, bidets never really caught on. More often than not, there is not enough room in our bathrooms for a second ‘throne’. That was definitely the case in my bathroom. My house is 48 years old. When it was built, emphasis was placed on large living areas and bathrooms remained small. So when I was reviewing options for our bathroom renovation, I was quite excited to find something called a bidet toilet seat. In September 2007, the New York Times ran this article on the subject of bidet toilet seats.

The one I settled on for our bathroom is manufactured by a company called CleanButt. Really. I’m not kidding. But setting aside the giggle-inducing name, this thing is incredible! I can adjust the temperature of the toilet seat. I can adjust the temperature of the water. I can change the position of the spray and can even have the spray pulse. The adjustments can be made to make sure every part of one’s privates are cleansed. And then after the warm water spray, I can turn on the air dryer – yes, I can blow dry my butt! And the best thing – I can do all those things with a remote control!! My toilet has a remote control!

Seriously, I sought out this solution because Ashley’s lack of fine motor control means she doesn’t always get as clean as she should after toileting. That problem is now solved and she also loves the bidet seat. After sharing this information with some of my friends, they immediately began brainstorming about others for whom this seat would be beneficial – one friend’s mother with rheumatoid arthritis who requires assistance in the bathroom, another friend’s young child who is working on toilet training, and another friend’s family member who has lost an arm.

I urge you to visit the CleanButt (giggle, giggle) website and take a look for yourself. They even have a video you can view, but don’t worry, they don’t have a real person using the bidet in the video.

Beach Memories

Where did the summer go? In less than a week, my children will all be back in school, and memories of our times at the beach will be just that - memories. But, when I start to miss those summer days of sun, salty lips, and sand in places I would rather it not be, I can just go back and look at all the pictures we took.

This is a picture of my lovely niece, Melody, during our stay at the Outer Banks of North Carolina.

Grab Bars and Bubble Baths

(Make sure to check out the pictures at the end of this post.)

Ashley took a bath Sunday night for the first time in two years. Before you say “EEEWWW”, she has been taking showers. But she really loves to take a bath. Unfortunately, the main bathroom in our house was not accessible, and as Ashley has grown and her seizures have increased, she really was not safe trying to move in and out of the bathtub.

If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I requested that Ashley’s insurance, Virginia Medicaid, pay for accessibility modifications to the bathroom. That was 2.5 years ago. After my initial request, a struggle ensued that took us in and out of hearings, including a couple in Federal court, through denials and requests to recuse, and finally to victory. This post from June provides a little more detail into the wranglings we encountered. Today, however, is our day of celebration. The bathroom renovation is complete, and Ashley just can’t stop smiling!

So many people played a role in our success. At the end of June, I wrote a post toasting the attorneys whose persistence and commitment ensured that success. Today, I want to thank the person who actually did the bathroom renovation – Stephen Curtin of Curtin Brothers Contracting (curtinbrothers@yahoo.com).

I don’t know how many of you have dealt with Medicaid providers in the past, but my experience has seldom been positive. Medicaid programs are notorious for underpaying for services, and as a result, service providers are often not the high-standard professionals we expect. When I have found a Medicaid provider that does an outstanding job, it is because that provider has a real heart and commitment for service to people with disabilities. And Stephen Curtin definitely has those things.

Stephen’s work is true craftsmanship. He was a professional in the fullest sense of the word, and I knew just from watching him work that our bathroom was going to be exactly what Ashley needed. He listened to my concerns. He offered suggestions. And when he realized that I was overwhelmed to the point of indecision with all the choices that had to be made (paint color, tile color, shiny or brushed silver, etc, etc.), he offered to have his sweet wife help me.

Stephen was considerate of my family’s schedules. He was extremely neat and had you visited our house, you probably would never have known a major renovation was underway. In short, he was a perfect guest as well as a contractor. In fact, I was reminded of the old TV show, Murphy Brown. Murphy had a painter that was always around, and was an integral part of her life. The painter was there from the first show to the last. While Stephen was working, I wanted to be Murphy Brown. I would like him to always be around, and if I win the lottery, I will make sure he is!!

So thank you, Stephen. You are the reason that Ashley couldn’t stop smiling during her bubble bath last night. You are the reason she will be safe and able to progress in her self-care, and you are the reason I can rest easier now knowing my daughter has what she needs and deserves in a bathroom. Those things are so very important to me, and I know you know exactly what I mean…


Passageways are wider and the vanity is rounded - no more g-tubes caught and pulled out on sharp vanity edges.


Grab bars help Ashley in and out of the tub, and with moving from a sitting to standing position. All faucet handles are ADA compliant, and the shower controls were placed at just the right height for Ashley.


A grab bar by the toilet helps with Ashley's stability, and the bidet toilet seat - oh my, the bidet toilet seat!! That deserves its own post tomorrow!!

Awwww, Thank You!

My buddy, Allie, over at A Day In The Life of The Whittinghams, sent me an award and said some very sweet things. How did she know I was sorely in need of that virtual hug?? Here's what she said:

Ashley's Mom is an incredible, inspirational woman. A true woman who provides the voice for special needs individuals. She shows you that individuals who have special needs are just like us and we as a society should recognize that. She has an incredibly beautiful, special family and captures that beauty and shares it with the world. I would be incredibly honoured to meet Ashley and Ashley's Mom one day and my biggest wish is that it will happen.

We will meet one day, Allie, I really believe that!

Giving New Meaning to the Term "Tongue In Cheek"

One of the reasons I pursued a career in technology is that I find the advances so exciting. It's never been a boring job. And knowing that we as a society have just begun to mine the potential of technology is even more exciting.

Check out this story and you will see what I mean:

Tongue computing Aids Disabled