I never invited you into my daughter’s life. I knew that eventually you would show up, but I was so not looking forward to that time. I knew that turmoil would accompany your arrival, and that Ashley’s life as well as mine would be forever altered. You make her both grumpy and sad, and you cause her physical pain as well. She is confused and doesn’t know what to think about these new feelings she is having. One minute she is happy and giggling and the next she is sobbing. Sometimes she will want to hug and kiss me and tell me how much she loves me. And then other times, she acts like she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. You make her want to eat chocolate and Cheetoes three times a day. You make her agonize over what to wear and how to act. You are the reason her face breaks out and the reason that somedays she would just like to stay in bed all day long. Because of you, the seizures she previously had controlled with medication, are now occurring on a regular basis. And, you will spend the next 40 years doing the same things over and over again.
Reluctantly I admit, there are some good things about your arrival. My baby, my little girl, is turning into a beautiful woman. All that is good and compassionate in her will grow and become even stronger. Hopefully one day, because of you, she will find the man she wants to marry, and she will give me beautiful grandchildren, miniature versions of herself.
I know you had to come, but I just wasn’t ready to admit that. Just promise me one thing – go easy on Ashley and please go easy on me.
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