Thursday, March 1, 2007

Staring Contest

I discovered a British disability rights website (sponsored suprisingly by the BBC television network) that had a ton of funny stuff on it. I especially liked their Top 10 lists. So, for anyone of you who have been stared out or had family members stared at, here is one of my favorite Top 10s:

Ten Responses to being Stared At

1. Stare back until they look away or blink, then loudly announce: "I win again! Champion of the staring contests!"

2. Nudge somebody nearby, whisper "Is that person staring at me?" and point surreptitiously. Repeat until target is thoroughly discomforted, Just as YOU usually are when people point and whisper and stare.

3. Say "I know! Isn't is fa-bulous?" and toss your hair, smooth your shirt, or modesly admire your manicure. "I know that people can't help staring at my marvelous wardrobe/hair color/manicure. It's a good thing I don't mind attention."

4. Flutter your eyelashes, giggle, and say "Do you fancy me, then?" in a carrying voice. "You're staring so much, I think you must be in LOVE. Tee hee."

5. "Keep staring. I might do a trick."

6. (Especially after number 5 above) Fake a seizure, sudden pain, or death rattle, followed by yelling "Ha! Fooled you!"

7. Ask them if they've found Jesus in their lives.

8. Make disgusting faces until they look away. If called on your rudeness, apologize and explain that your doctor has prescribed these therapeutic face exercises, and offer to demonstrate.

9. Attempt to engage them in friendly, normal conversation about the weather. If this doesn't work, start to drool mid-sentence.

10. Ask them if they can spare some change.

No comments: