Monday, January 23, 2012

Falsely Accused?


I believe one of the biggest fears of parents of children with disabilities is being falsely accused of child abuse or sexual abuse of your child. This is an even bigger worry for parents of children who are non-verbal, or single parents raising children of the opposite sex.

Check out this story posted by Roy Ellis, a father to 11 children - A Dad's Nightmare Over False Sexual Abuse Charges.

I, too, have been accused of child abuse. My now 21 year old daughter honed the art of false accusations. Jessica was (and still is to a degree) a child who would erupt in outbursts of rage and aggression. Although she did frequently and seriously hurt others (she broke two of my ribs during one of her rages), she would hurt herself also. Because of her hemiplegia she has limited use of her left side and during her rages, she would lose her balance and fall. Many times she would go to school or daycare and tell the staff that I was the one who hurt her.

The feeling of having child protective services show up at your door is beyond words. I was fortunate because I had a large support group who could speak to what really happened, and most importantly, child protective services believed my support group and me. But many many parents are not believed.

What about you? Have you had this experience? Has someone put words into the mouth of your child, or witnessed something they didn't understand? Have you been accused and had to defend yourself? How have you survived this?

3 comments:

MMC said...

Are you familiar with the term "Munchaussen By Proxy"? It's when a person hurts someone else (makes them sick, for example) for the sympathetic attention it will get them - for example, a mother harming her child or pretending their child has special needs they don't actually have (or exagerrating those they do) so everyone will say "Oh the poor dear, look at how hard she has it. And yet she is such a good Mom."

A close friend of mine had her two sons with special needs taken from her a few years back and was accused of this. This after being a foster parent (particularly of children with special needs) for 25 years. Yeah, I know a bit about that. The children were returned to her and found not to be in protection but even that took 3 months (and that was an amazingly fast result for the system). Who made the initial complaint? A resource teacher after Mom pulled the kids out of school to home school them. Until that happened to my friend, I never would have believed it could happen to me. Now I do.

At the moment, there is a FB group dedicated to having a 10 year old autistic girl returned home. Children's Aid took her b/c her single father had 3 kids (2 with autism) and they decided they should "lighten his load". No actual allegations of abuse or neglect, they just decided to take her away and medicate her heavily (very bad behaviour at school but fine at home - school not following Dad's suggestions on how to deal with her). It's been 7 months now, I believe ... she still hasn't actually been found to be in need of protection and Dad still hasn't had a chance to actually speak in court and give his side of the story. He actually has a court date today - a court date to get a date for a hearing. Please check it out - I have been on this group for quite a while and spoken on the phone with Dad a few times. He's for real.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/justiceforayn/

MMC said...

Are you familiar with the term "Munchaussen By Proxy"? It's when a person hurts someone else (makes them sick, for example) for the sympathetic attention it will get them - for example, a mother harming her child or pretending their child has special needs they don't actually have (or exagerrating those they do) so everyone will say "Oh the poor dear, look at how hard she has it. And yet she is such a good Mom."

A close friend of mine had her two sons with special needs taken from her a few years back and was accused of this. This after being a foster parent (particularly of children with special needs) for 25 years. Yeah, I know a bit about that. The children were returned to her and found not to be in protection but even that took 3 months (and that was an amazingly fast result for the system). Who made the initial complaint? A resource teacher after Mom pulled the kids out of school to home school them. Until that happened to my friend, I never would have believed it could happen to me. Now I do.

At the moment, there is a FB group dedicated to having a 10 year old autistic girl returned home. Children's Aid took her b/c her single father had 3 kids (2 with autism) and they decided they should "lighten his load". No actual allegations of abuse or neglect, they just decided to take her away and medicate her heavily (very bad behaviour at school but fine at home - school not following Dad's suggestions on how to deal with her). It's been 7 months now, I believe ... she still hasn't actually been found to be in need of protection and Dad still hasn't had a chance to actually speak in court and give his side of the story. He actually has a court date today - a court date to get a date for a hearing. Please check it out - I have been on this group for quite a while and spoken on the phone with Dad a few times. He's for real.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/justiceforayn/

Miz Kizzle said...

I am shocked beyond words but not really surprised. Child Protective Services have too much power. Children are taken from their homes for no good reason and all the power is in the hands of the accusers. This is happening throughout our justice system and now states like Texas can boast of having one out of every 22 of its residents locked up, many for nonviolent crimes that weren't even considered to be cause for criminal action a decade ago.
One out of 22 are not good odds. I dread what this country is coming to.
As for Facebook? I avoid it like the plague.