Wednesday, July 2, 2008

SHE Said


SHE said that her 18 year old daughter was 'retarded'.

SHE said that her daughter had just gotten a job as a shoe sorter, but SHE was worried that her daughter would steal the shoes.

SHE said that the family, minus the 'retarded' daughter, went out to dinner and her birth son said that they should never have adopted the daughter.

SHE asked if the group knew of a doctor who would sterilize her daughter.

SHE said her daughter was ruining her life.

SHE said if SHE knew then what SHE knows now, SHE would never have adopted her daughter.

SHE said all this during a meeting of an adoption support group meeting.

At the same meeting were new adoptive parents, parents still trying to find their way through the challenges faced with adopting older children. I thought it very insensitive that SHE didn't moderate her comments a little more. I was really uncomfortable during the entire meeting. I need to find a way to process all this and make a decision about my further participation in this group.

6 comments:

Marla said...

Woah, that is amazing. I am not sure what I would have done or said either. It sounds like she would benefit from a private counselor first. J and I ran a support group quite a few years ago and ran into a few parents like this. They were hard to support since it seemed they were also very very needy. Maybe she will learn from your gradual positive ways? After a while we left the support group scene for these very reasons. I felt like my energy was being sucked from me by certain types of people and I could not deal well with it. I have such a different outlook and need to be around people like that. Sometimes you can get a mix but it is hard to find. I hope you are able to get the support you need. Hugs.

Elder Smith said...

SHE sounds like a real gem of a mother. What exactly is different from adopting a child and giving birth to that same child? You are still that child's mother.

Would SHE still be expressing these sentiments if this were her biological child?

I think SHE needs to go back and re-think what unconditional love between a child and a parent really means.


I wanted to touch base with you and make sure you were receiving the emails from the 5MFSN group. If you get a second could you drop me a line and let me know?

Thanks!

Elder Smith said...

SHE sounds like a real gem of a mother. What exactly is different from adopting a child and giving birth to that same child? You are still that child's mother.

Would SHE still be expressing these sentiments if this were her biological child?

I think SHE needs to go back and re-think what unconditional love between a child and a parent really means.


I wanted to touch base with you and make sure you were receiving the emails from the 5MFSN group. If you get a second could you drop me a line and let me know?

Thanks!

Tammy and Parker said...

SHE sounds like a real gem of a mother. What exactly is different from adopting a child and giving birth to that same child? You are still that child's mother.

Would SHE still be expressing these sentiments if this were her biological child?

I think SHE needs to go back and re-think what unconditional love between a child and a parent really means.


I wanted to touch base with you and make sure you were receiving the emails from the 5MFSN group. If you get a second could you drop me a line and let me know?

Thanks!

Tammy and Parker

mommy~dearest said...

SHE is a selfish insensitive fool.

Before you snap decide whether or not to ditch this group, bear in mind the impact you can have on the other parents. These parents are in search of support, and answers to their questions. You may be able to offer them a ray of hope, that they don't have to view disabilities as the apocalypse. A supportive view, since that's what people usually go to a support group for- not to hear that they're doomed.

It's sad to hear that any mother could say such things about their child, period.

You may want to try countering her negativity with a confident, "Wow- I'm sorry you feel that way, but let me tell you about my children, and what wonderful blessings they are..."

MMC said...

I have to wonder if (or perhaps would just like to think that) this person was going through a particularly stressful time, that this wasn't the way they actually felt and usually spoke. I would like to think that anyway.