Sunday, May 11, 2008

If Only I Could Hear the Words


It’s Mother’s Day and I am feeling things that are not as warm and fuzzy as this day warrants. I have four children – four children who have made amazing strides under my mothering. My birth son is graduating from high school next year. He has a future before him that is only limited by his own dreams. The three children who have joined my family through adoption are living life is a way that never would have been possible without me. That may sound a little conceited, but it’s true. And not only are my children’s lives enriched by being in our family, my life is enriched more than I ever imagined. So why the less than positive feelings and thoughts?

The only one of my children that has even acknowledged Mother’s Day is my birth son. The other three have not. Due to her cognitive disabilities, Jessica probably doesn’t even grasp the concept of Mother’s Day. Corey, because he spent 12 years with a person who didn’t deserve the title of Mother, has probably buried all the “Happy Mother’s Day” thoughts deep in the recesses of his brain. And Ashley, the child who every day tells me in many unconventional ways how much she loves me, can’t say the words. I will never hear her sweet voice utter “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know, I know – things could be a lot worse. At the moment, all my children are healthy and happy. Jessica’s problems with aggressive behaviors have subsided somewhat. Corey made honor roll at school, something no one ever believed possible, and Ashley is healthier than she has been in a long time. But this is my day, and if I want to whine, I believe I have the right.

How do other mothers who have children with significant disabilities get through Mother’s Day each year? I really need some pointers.

4 comments:

Penny L. Richards said...

Jake's never going to say the words either. He's pretty expressive, though, so I've had my hugs and smiles, and the flurry of arm waves that he does to celebrate. It's actually pretty sweet, and more unique than words.

We're not big celebrators in general, so it's not all that different from my birthday. I open the gifts the kids made at school, and whatever I bought for myself and put in a gift bag (this year, a lovely big Indian scarf in black and golds). We take a picture, call both grandmothers and maybe go out for ice cream or a walk. I think they're making me scalloped potatoes later, too. Yum.

Jane said...

I hope you have a lovely day. You are without a doubt on my list of Top Ten Mothers I've ever known. Seriously:

10. You gave birth to Chip. I don't know if it was a 48 hour labor or a planned C section, you gave birth after 9 long months of waiting.
9. You chose to be a mom to kids that you knew would not be perfect in society's eyes.
8. You keep going to work on days you'd love to go back to bed.
7. You plant a garden and nurture THAT as well as your children.
6. You dream and hope for all your kids and don't see their disabilities as limitations for a full life.
5. You fight like a dog with a bone in IEP meetings.
4. You have been able to get others to help you fight the fights for the rights of your children.
3. You don't shatter into a million pieces when Ashley has a terrible seizure or Jessica has a meltdown with aggressive behaviors. You deal with it.
2. You make sure all of your children will be good and kind members of their communities when they are grown up.
1. (drum roll) AND you have all of your kids doing their own laundry from the age of 12!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Jane

Casdok said...

Belated Happy mothers day. :)

mommy~dearest said...

How do we celebrate Mother's Day? With a hot bubble bath and a bottle of wine?

Wish I knew- my Mother's Day sucked. I blogged about it, but Companion pitched a fit (because it made him look like an a**), so I removed it so he would stop being a schmuck.

Oh dear...am I a bit bitter??? ;)