How do you define acceptance? What does the word mean as it relates to you or your family member with a disability?
Do you get angry if you think people are not accepting, and I don’t mean just a token acceptance?
Do you feel like all, most or none of the people in your life accept your family member with a disability?
Have you done things trying to force people to accept your family member with a disability? If so, have they worked?
Have you given up on trying to make people accept your family member with a disability? If so, was it an easy choice and does it remain easy to live with that approach?
How does your family member feel about acceptance? Do you believe they are happy with the circle of people around them at this particular time, or do they wish for more?
I’m dealing with the whole issue of acceptance and could really use your advice…
9 comments:
Wow this is a big one!
To me this means unconditional love.
My family are not accepting of C. I used to be angry about it, and tried various things over the years but nothing has worked. Im not angry anymore, just resigned. And no its not easy as there are times when it still hurts.
Thankfully i dont think C is aware of all this. So the issues are all with me.
I am sorry you are having to deal with this, and sorry i havent any advice.
This is going to be a big issue for us in the years to come. Fortunately we haven't had to deal with it too much since Jackson is only 3 1/2.
We haven't had any problems with family members not accepting him. Though we do get A LOT of unsolicited advice.
The only issues we've had have been in society. Like when I started calling around to different preschool and Mothers Day Out programs to see if there was one that would take Jackson. After being rejected over and over, it really started to get to me. I wish I would have had thicker skin and continued to call, but I just didn't want to hear one more place tell me that they didn't want my sweet Jackson in their program.
Sorry I don't have any advice, I can only empathize that it is a hard issue and I wish you the best with your current struggles.
I don't have any advice, but I do understand. I have a mother-in-law who still thinks my 11 year old is going to "get better" and outgrow his Cerebral Palsy. And a sister-in -law who treats him like a two year old...insisting that the cousins give him extra turns or a huge head start or stop playing baseball when we arrive...when all he wants is to do what everyone else is doing that best way he can.
My family (my mother, father, and brother) ignores the whole issue and they feel that their life is more important. I accept that they are self centered and know that they will never change. I feel sorry for them to have never known my son and what a wonderful person he is. :)
I feel acceptance is when your family loves your child unconditionally and is willing to make mild necessary accomodations for your child. They also offer support and want to know more about what the child is going thru.
None of that is going on in my family. My 7yo son Randy has multiple issues that has been diagnosed 1 by 1 since age 23 mos (mild-mod hearing loss, globally developmental delayed, epilepsy, mixed receptive-expressive language disorder, Low IQ, ADHD & OCD tendencies). Raising our son has been difficult, but he has so many great qualities that make him so loveable and we could never imagine life without him!
My family loves him, but cannot deal with his 'issues'. It has been ongoing since his hearing loss was diagnosed and they refused to learn the 5 signs that I asked them to learn (It'll keep him from talking,' I was told by them). Whatever. I pretty much stop telling them what is going on in his life now.
We used to be closer but since they cannot accept my ds as , I cannot accept them as they are and we are on a superficial level. My parents haven't even told most of their friends that my son has a hearing loss, and that was diagnosed over 5 years ago. If that is not non-acceptance, what is?
Sorry for presenting you a glum story, but unfortunately its true for me. But luckily I am happily married with Randy and 2 other children. There are many friends and support groups out there also to help me.
Take adventage of the support groups also for help. Depending on your family, maybe opening up and telling them that you need their acceptance and love will turn them around. Other than that, I don't have much advice. But I wish you the best of luck. Sincerely.
---Sange
Sange, can you email me privately (link is on my blog page)? I have a question..
Thanks,
Deborah (Ashley's Mom)
Oh my! This is a tough one. We could probably write every day about this but I would not want to waste my energy on it. I don't have much to go around anymore. There are going to be people who will just not accept and if we spend all of our time trying to get them to we will have no energy for our own children, our own lives. I know...I tried. I have had to let go and move on. Some people I continue to "tolerate" with boundaries set (mainly a few family members) and others I stopped communicating with altogether. It is a continuing struggle.
I've been reading your blog for a couple of months and have always found it inspiring.I am deeply moved by this post:acceptance has always been a tough issue to deal with - I´ve been living with cerebral palsy in a non-accepting family for 35 years, and I have several suggestions to offer (derived from my personal experience),but if you agree I'd prefer to email you privately and not post them here yet.
Veronica
Veronica, please feel free to email me privately. My email is listed on the left of my page, right under my daughter's picture.
Deborah
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